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  • Writer's pictureJeff Matthews

The Most Amusing Headline You Will Read This Week

The most amusing headline we here at NotMakingThisUp think you will read this week is contained in today’s Wall Street Journal. Granted, there aren’t all that many amusing headlines these days, what with the housing crisis, the credit crisis and the energy crisis all dominating the headlines, while Congress gears up to pass the Stop Excessive Energy Speculation And Help Us Get Re-elected Act of 2008.

In case you haven’t been paying attention to this last item, sheep who dress like men and woman and vote on things without actually accomplishing anything have suddenly decided that Something Must Be Done to stop the rising price of oil—so long as it doesn’t inconvenience the U.S. Auto Industry and the American Consumer.

And so they are going to put a stop to energy “speculation” at precisely the moment when declining demand for hydrocarbons around the world is looking to make it too late to matter.

In any event, the headline we think you’ll enjoy is found on page B7 of our Wall Street Journal, above a story written by Robert A. Guth and Jessica E. Vascellaro.

And it is this:

Microsoft Makes Case for Online Push The sub-headline is almost as amusing:

Ballmer Plans to Bulk Up Technology, Marketing And Pursue Acquisitions

The article itself, however, is more disturbing than amusing:

Mr. Ballmer’s comments came at Microsoft’s annual meeting with analysts at its headquarters in Redmond, Wash. He and other executives devoted much of the meeting to addressing investor concerns about Microsoft’s Internet business. Central to his strategy, Mr. Ballmer said, will be boosting spending on online-related technologies and marketing, and on buying other companies.

“We’re going to have to ante up in a significant way to even be in this game,” Mr. Ballmer said.

So what have they been doing with their $2-billion-a-month operating system monopoly money for the last decade?

If Steve Ballmer, the voluble, hard-charging CEO who helped turn Microsoft into the monopoly power it became, weren’t as smart as he is and as rich as he is, we’d swear he’s somehow turned into the “Pointy-Haired Boss” from Dilbert.

Jeff Matthews I Am Not Making This Up © 2008 NotMakingThisUp, LLC

The content contained in this blog represents the opinions of Mr. Matthews. Mr. Matthews also acts as an advisor and clients advised by Mr. Matthews may hold either long or short positions in securities of various companies discussed in the blog based upon Mr. Matthews’ recommendations. This commentary in no way constitutes investment advice. It should never be relied on in making an investment decision, ever. Nor are these comments meant to be a solicitation of business in any way: such inquiries will not be responded to. This content is intended solely for the entertainment of the reader, and the author.

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